For Bad Boys Only
So I approached this film as cautiously as a butterfly
near a hot stove anything with Ekin Cheng in it and with Manfred Wong
as the producer spells trouble for me. Sure I keep watching their puffed
up billowy films The Young and Dangerous series, The Legend of Speed,
Storm Riders it is like not being able to stay away from junk food
but not even good junk food its in front of you and so you eat it and
you always feel lousy later on for doing so.
But I had a reason to watch this one an intellectual
puzzle a mathematical equation to solve. Can the dreary presence of one
Ekin Cheng be overcome by the delightful presence of three Hsu Chis? Philosophers
and scientists have been mulling over this question for years now
- just what does it take in a film to overcome what has become known as
the Ekin Factor (like a neutron bomb it deadens everything around it).
In the early years of experimentation they mixed
in lively actors such as Jordan Chan, Karen Mok and Gigi Lai but it wasnt
strong enough. Later on they hoped that the curvaceous figure and seductive
smile of Kelly Lam might counter it but sadly the experiment ended in
disaster as Kelly was sucked into the Ekin vortex and her black leather
shorts and cleavage ended up doing the dialogue with Ekins hair and chest.
Nearing desperation, the experimenters gave up on people thinking that
perhaps movies loaded with special effects would do the trick but regretfully
the special effect to make Ekin change his facial expression was an expensive
failure. At this point they realized there was only one thing left to try
if three Hsu Chis in one film could not halt the Ekin Factor then
perhaps nothing could. Their hope of course is to take whatever the solution
is and apply it to Michael Wong films - so the world holds its breath
I had a friend who told me that this was possibly
the worst film he had ever seen but still I dived in with no fear my
hand securely clutching the remote control so that I could quickly pull
myself out if I was in trouble. It starts off great a stunning Hsu Chi
- lipsticked up like a geisha doll and running swiftly fear spread
over her chiseled face like a captured animal and runs straight into
blonde haired Mark Cheng who shoots her down and a transparent liquid
runs out from her. She is a clone - but one with powers that were
borrowed from The Matrix.
Next we meet up with Ekin, Louis Koo and Kristy
Yeung I think they are saving Gigi Lai from marrying Blackie Ko certainly
a worthwhile endeavor in any circumstance - but what is Smartie doing
in this film? And she still doesnt remember anything and goes off to
marry Vincent Kok whats going on here have I entered a parallel universe?
I must have because Ekin is changing his expression call the papers
it is like watching the trees move in Lord of the Rings - and he is acting
like a goofball lothario full of romantic come ons that have inches of
dust on them from disuse. Maybe this Ekin is a clone too he is actually
trying to be charming and cloy here I never thought I would miss his
stone face so much this is painful to see like watching a folk musician
suddenly going hip hop. And can we all chip in and buy this guy a few t-shirts
or at least a jacket that has more than one button? I watch a movie with
three Hsu Chis in it - and it is Ekin that shows his cleavage on every
possible occasion! Has the world gone mad?
So continuing the experiment Ekin, Louis and
Kristy are part of a detective agency Bad Boys - who track down missing
people but must be under the misapprehension that they are living in
a music video because they try so hard to look cool the way only people
in music videos do. Daniel Chan comes to them with a sad story of his missing
girlfriend who disappeared 14 months previously maybe she heard his
music and she looks just like the clone! And then my god a rich businessman
comes to them asking them to look up his old girlfriend now forty years
old but once a famous runner and hold on to your hat but she looks
like the clone too! A world full of Hsu Chis!
But this is really a movie about love yup
boy meets clone and the rest is history. Ekin is so busy coming up with
bad lines of dialogue that he doesnt seem to notice that this long haired
cutie pie has incredible strength can jump huge distances all she can
say is My name is Eleven. Im human. I am half Japanese and half Chinese.
I am twenty years old and acts like a ten year old. OK scratch that
last one Ekin has acted with Hsu Chi before so that wont come as a big
surprise. And hell I have to admit that there have been dates I have
been on in which I wish this is all they would tell me about themselves!
Still, it is a little creepy watching Ekin trying to seduce this woman
with the mind of a child.
So the data comes in and it gets processed through
the latest in computer power will the experiment work can Hsu Chi work
her magic one more time oh oh overload overload - red lights
flashing it is going to blow I frantically hit the remote pull me
out pull me out just in time the Ekin Factor has overcome everything
in its path three Hsu Chis and still no luck. Next up bring the Yips
Veronica, Amy and Gloria - out of retirement to take on the Ekin Factor.
So how bad is Bad Boys? Very bad. It is unfocused
is plain silly the action would have to be termed action light
and even Hsu Chi -as good as she is in bringing out the depth of
feeling in all three of her characters (just kidding) cant save this
mess. It is like a home movie with a budget. Some good news though
- in the Making Of section -the producers disclose that Hsu Chis
face had to be scanned for some of the clones so even if she were to
retire from acting she could go on forever!
Also making appearances in small cameos in this
home movie are Josie Ho, Helen Law Lan, Kelly Lam, Ng Chi-hung and Stephanie
My rating for this film: 4.0
Distributed by Universe
The transfer is excellent.
International (mix of Cantonese, Mandarin and
English) and Mandarin language tracks
The subtitles are Chinese or English.
There is a trailer for this film - and for
Queen of Kowloon and Marooned.
There is a fifteen minute Making of section
in which everyone appears to be taking this film quite seriously - now
that was good acting!