Angel or Whore
Director: Lai Jun-git
Year: 1990
Running Time: 93 minutes
A provocative title is practically all this
dreary fantasy film has going for it – other than an exercise that may
be of some value to the women readership out there. Its lack of energy
is palpable as it drags itself to the finish line as if in slow motion.
According to the HKMDB this was the director’s solo effort and we can at
least be thankful for that. In ancient times, a certifiably loony and evil
Hsia Hau Chian (played by Pai Ying for a pay check) has aspirations to
conquer the world. Now we all have our own reasons for wanting to conquer
the world – mine is to be daily spoon fed Haagan Daz Chocolate Almond ice
cream by Maggie Cheung and Hsu Chi – but Hsia has other reasons – he was
once a dragon when they ruled the earth and he wants to bring back the
good old days.
He doesn’t seem to be making a lot of progress
towards this goal as he lives in a cave and has two minions beneath him
– and fortunately for all of us his evil machinations are thwarted by a
character called 18 Fairies (the winsome Emily Chu gets this small role)
who is able to disassemble into eighteen different people – sadly none
of them can fight a lick and nearly all die before they finally pull Hsia
into the well of death where he has to go directly to Hell. The big concept
in Hell is that you are given a pill to forget your past life so that you
can be reincarnated afresh – but the clever Hsia spits it out and so comes
back to earth still wanting the whole enchilada. Let’s hope they have better
quality control when George Bush and Dick Cheney have their turn.
Hsia returns to earth a few hundred years later
(still in ancient times) with a few changes – his hair has turned gray
(damn Hell for that) but he has much better digs as he appears to have
moved up considerably in cave dwelling status and he now has some hotties
as minions – now he is getting the point of ruling the world – but he still
has the same evil laugh. Out in the real world events are taking place
as well. Stonehead (Matthew Wong – who has a certain Jaycee Chan look about
him – what was Jackie doing in the late 70’s I wonder) has left his small
town to find his way – this after bashing the local casino owner and pharmacist
not to speak of an old lady who wanted to kill him – and wanders into a
more cosmopolitan town – cosmopolitan because it has a brothel. He accidentally
comes upon some comely maidens practicing a work exercise – holding a melon
between their legs and when they have the strength to break it they are
ready for business. When he hears that in two nights they are going to
“break one in” he assumes they mean melons and shows up to help – of course
they mean virgins – in this case the lovely Yuk (Sheren Tang who has been
a mainstay of TVB for years but recently appeared as Dragon’s mom in Dragon
Tiger Gate.
Yes, her big day has arrived – what she has been
trained for all her life – but before entering her enthralling life of
whoredom she goes to a fortune teller to see what destiny holds for her.
You can imagine her surprise when she discovers that she isn’t even human
but a fairy who has to go kill Hsia. Ouch. One minute a burgeoning career,
the next a long road trip with a really irritating companion. Because of
a red pimple on Stonehead’s back, he is destined to come with her and help
fight evil. The drawback for him is that she has to remain a virgin. So
why am I coming along I would guess he is asking himself? And the viewer
is sort of asking themselves the same question – why did I stick with this
film until the bitter end. To that I have no answer. Just because I have
his picture here I should mention that veteran actor Ku Feng must have
gotten lost and walked through the set one day.
My rating for this film: 2.0