Ancient Chinese Whorehouse
Ancient Chinese Whorehouse
1994
Director: Ivan Lai
Viewed on DVD
Rating: 5.5
Not withstanding the title of Ancient Chinese
Whorehouse, this is a fairly benign Cat. III period piece which doesn’t have
much of a bite to it especially if compared to Yvonne Yung Hung’s more famous
period film that she was in during the same year – Chinese Torture Chamber
Story. The resume of director Ivan Lai is littered like a mangy junkyard
with many forgettable films, but he did strike gold on occasion with the
loony Blue Jean Monster and the unnervingly distasteful Daughter
of Darkness. He was also behind the Diana Pang Dan film, The Imp.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t bring much of that same perversity to this film,
which basically plays it for comedy until near the end.
Siu Ching’s (Ching Suet-aan) family is deeply in debt and so of course they
rent their most valuable asset – their demure virgin daughter – to the proprietress
of the local whorehouse. By contract, Ching is the property of this abode
for five years and is informed by Yat (Dick Lau) that this equates to approximately
5,475 beddings over that period. Not exactly thrilled with the thought of
becoming a human mattress, Ching tries to escape but is caught and brought
before Madam Ng (Yvonne Yung Hung), who as far as brothel owners go (in movies
anyway) is very kind to her staff – but business is business and so to encourage
Ching to perform her duties she is put in a vat of squiggling eels who seem
to be looking for . . . let us say a warmer climate to move into. This is
all the incentive Ching needs to begin working with an auction set up for
her virginity disposal.
Other members of this happy household are Sister Bamboo (Yuen King-tan) whose
gigantic breasts have frightened off her customers (one bad luck fellow suffocated
to death between them) for months and she is desperately in need of business.
There is also Kong (the portly Kent Cheng) who is the genius behind all the
various sexual devices that the clientele like so much. He also enjoys peeping
in on Madam Ng when she is taking a bath. Plot points concern a foreign prostitute
adorned in a Madonna like bra who works on a huge stuffed cock (the bird
kind of course) and is taking away all of their business with a guarantee
to make every man orgasm in a few minutes or money back. There is also a
love affair that begins to bloom between Ching and Yat and finally a rapist
(Elvis Tsui) begins stealing the girls and has to be stopped by a kung fu
Madame Ng. The late Shing Fui-on appears as the Marshall looking for the
rapist but is much more interested in looking at Madame Ng. There is a respectable
amount of nudity – thankfully not from Yuen King-tan! – and Yvonne has two
sex scenes – the one with Kent Cheng being something close to a ballroom dance
number - kind of touching and gymnastically absurd at the same time.
