My Kung Fu Sweetheart
Sometimes it feels like all is right in the world
when I come upon a new Wong Jing film that is filled with his typical mix
of jibberish nonsense, frantic action and quaint rip offs. They may not
be groundbreaking but at least they are there. It’s kind of like coming
home late after school and finding mom waiting for you – with a paddle.
Sure it might not be pleasant, but at least mom is home and there is a
certain sense of security in that. The Hong Kong film industry collapses,
global warming accelerates at light speed, terrorists spread chaos around
the world and the U.S.A. goes to war for reasons that no one can pretend
to justify anymore, but through it all Wong Jing regularly churns out his
formulaic films and for that I give him a big golden thumbs up. Thank you
Wong Jing for never giving up. Now if he could just make a good film again
. . . but you can’t have everything.
What’s even nicer is that Cecilia Cheung shows
up for this film. It feels almost as if she is slumming. One day she is
working for Chan Kaige and soon afterwards for Wong Jing. How very Hong
Kong. While certain actors such as Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung have decided
to become very selective in their film choices, Cecilia is still willing
to go anywhere for the love of her craft and a paycheck. The mystery is
where is that money going. Certainly not into food bills. Every time she
appeared on screen in this all I could think of was how much I would love
to force feed her a few McDonalds Whoppers and fries – extra large. And
then keep her out of the bathroom for a while. She is so thin that she
only shows up in profile now – from straight on her face practically vanishes.
Still it’s always a joy to see Cecilia – at least when I can.
Now if only her co-star in the film could vanish.
I have wondered why Leo Ku disappeared off the big screen after a couple
solid films in the late 1990’s – “Task Force” and “When I Look Upon the
Stars” – and now I know. He has the charisma of a blunted thumbtack. Stick
him with a sharp one and I am not even sure he would react to it. Wong
Jing does make one brilliant casting decision though as he picks two old
time martial artists out of near obscurity and makes them a kung fu feuding
married couple. Who else but the sparkling mind of Wong Jing would have
thought to use Yuen Wah and Yuen Qiu in such an original manner. I hope
Stephen Chow takes notice and uses them in his next film. Oh wait, he already
did? I hope he gave Wong Jing the credit he deserved for this.
One night when Phoenix is around twelve years
old she discovers that her parents (Yuen and Yuen) are kung fu masters
after they defeat an attack from two shape shifting evildoers who can take
on the forms of a cat and a snake. This is as cool as finding out your
dad once played for the Boston Red Sox and so a thrilled Phoenix wants
to become a kung fu kid. Thus mom and dad pack up and fly her ninja like
to a special summer camp for martial arts training where Phoenix meets
the principal of the camp (Wong Yat Fei) as well as the surly Rouge, another
young woman in training who is destined to be her rival in love.
Years later and after much training, Phoenix (now
a pencil thin Cecilia Cheung) has risen to the masterly rank of office
lady in a large corporation where she fetches coffee for her bosses. Things
haven’t gone so well for her parents either, as they have split up with
mom giving up kung fu for the lucrative real estate business and dad becoming
an OOOP at the zoo. For those not in the know, this is the guy who charges
you for toilet paper at public toilets – one of the crazier and more annoying
things I have come across in my trips through Asia as they hand over a
sheet at a time like a secret family recipe.
The action soon kicks in though and there is plenty
of it. When she was a child, the camp principal had told Phoenix that her
love destiny would be “a man who can see her when she can’t be seen”. I
had fully expected this to be a peeping tom, but instead it turns out to
be Dragon (Leo), a rather dull yuppie cost cutter in her corporation. After
he witnesses a mass murder he becomes the next target and Phoenix feels
the need to protect him. The deadly killers are employed by a former student
of the kung fu school who broke away and took with him the “Nine Negatives”
that if understood would make his martial arts skills enormous. Fortunately,
the text is in English and no one can decipher it. The bad guy goes by
the name of White Eyebrows (Ma Shu Chao) and his intention is to become
the richest man in Hong Kong. But then isn't that everyone's intention
in Hong Kong?
To do this he needs to kill Dragon’s boss (Hui
Siu-hung) and take over his corporation. And it just so happens that the
boss's wife was the former wife of White Eyebrows and his stepdaughter
is in fact Rouge, the daughter of White Eyebrows. Now White Eyebrows tells
his former wife that he will kill his own daughter if she doesn't kill
her present husband and kill Dragon too - but Rouge thinks Dragon is also
her "love destiny" because his bottom got pierced by an arrow and she wants
to save him. Got that? It's such a complex story line that you really need
a degree in metaphysics to follow it. From this point on there is basically
a chaotic mix of action and silly humor – some of the action is not bad
in truth (especially an enjoyable kung fu catfight in the lady's room)
– as the good guys battle the bad guys in wire enhanced kung fu aerial
fights. And let’s not forget a Giant condor that is Phoenix’s pet (in intended
obvious fashion a fellow dressed in a big scruffy bird costume) who prefers
watching scantily clad females on TV and in magazines but is good for the
occasional free air travel. There is nothing here that we haven’t seen
many times before, but there is a certain comfort in familiarity and this
has plenty of that. On the whole this is sort of mid-level Wong Jing –
miles from his many older classics but a definite step up from his many
bland comedic offerings of late. Showing up for the party as well is Wong
Jing himself and Lam Suet.
My rating for this film: 6.0
Other "View from the Brooklyn Bridge" Film Raters:
Michael: 7.0
Steve: 7.0