Itchy Heart
Director: Matt Chow
Year: 2004
Rating: 5.5
Hong Kong throws
out another romantic comedy that bounces off your head with the impact of
a squishy marshmallow. As in so many of the glut of these kinds of films,
it’s soft, gooey, mildly edible and completely forgettable. It passes through
your consciousness with the speed of a Stephen Chow monologue – one vaguely
recalls having spent the past ninety minutes watching a movie but it soon
becomes a foggy blur like an Alzheimer patient trying to remember George
Bush’s latest lie. These are such generic cookie cutter productions that
they should not even have titles beyond “Romantic Comedy No. 245” – they
have no bite and no wit and rely almost entirely on the charms of their cast
who try and elicit some laughs and emotions out of a script that should be
planted in a cemetery of John Does.
And Itchy Heart has a solid cast – the reliable Lau Ching-wan tirelessly
beats the bushes in hopes of finding some humor lying in the weeds - even
willing to do a hokey imitation of John Travolta in Grease – Carina Lau simply
looks bored, pained and in hopes of receiving a call from Wong Kar-wai to
do a sequel to “Days of Being Wild” in which we find out what the heck ever
happened to her in the Philippines anyway and the adorable and fresh faced
Cherry Ying looks – well . . . adorable and fresh faced like a warm muffin
smeared in melting butter. It is not that Itchy Heart is such a bad film
– there have been many worse of late (and usually starring Miriam Yeung),
but its lack of ambition and its willingness to be blandly genial is gnawing
on my soul like a New York City rat. And while I am whining away here in
imitation of a schoolgirl who didn’t get her weekly allowance – let’s get
this out of my craw like a rancid after dinner taste – please don’t allow
Andy Ong to act in a comedy or drama ever again – seeing him attempt to act
was only slightly less painful than having my body attacked by a mob of bargain
basement shoppers looking for red tags in my pockets and other a sundry places.
“Looking for Mr. Perfect” showed that Ong has some terrific physical moves,
but his face shares none of this talent – it is as immovable as an ancient
oil stain and he dons a gaseous scowl throughout. Let’s start another petition
on the Internet.
Lau Ching-wan has an itch – it is a seven year one and desperately needs
scratching but clearly not from his very attractive wife (Coco Chiang-yi)
who no longer seems to interest him sexually and this feeling seems to go
both ways like an oncoming car crash. When Coco announces that she has to
go away to Hokkaido for a short trip, Lau soon breaks into a celebratory
dance – one of the few moments in the film that delights as Lau once again
shows his aptness for Michael Hui type physical comedy that he did so well
in “Fantasia” – but then reality sets in as he realizes he has no idea where
to start his hoped for search for female companionship. A cousin invites
him to a disco and he goes into prowl mode but he has lost all of his pick
up moves and is a good deal older than the rest of the crowd.
He soon catches a break though when the delightful Cherrie throws a few looks
in his direction and he is soon all over her like a happy to be home cocker
spaniel. At the same time he discovers an old girlfriend, Carina, who it
turns out is now a big time entrepreneur. While his wife is away for an extended
period of time, Lau alternates between picking up the pieces of his friendship
with Carina and chasing after the younger woman Cherrie. Andy makes his fetid
appearance by being Carina’s younger paramour and he becomes jealous of her
growing friendship with Lau. All of this plays out so predictably that you
would have trouble getting odds at Vegas and for a film that is about a man
trying to committ adultery while his wife is away, it’s so innocuously innocent
that you wonder if the characters have working sex organs. Director Matt
Chow (who is also responsible for the high art of United We Stand and Swim,
Lets Sing Along and PR Girls – can this man be stopped before its too late?)
waters everything down to a dull soggy mess. Is there no true emotion out
there somewhere - no real pain - no true lust - no hearty laughs - just paper
thin characters saying their paper thin lines? Not in the current world of
Hong Kong romantic comedies there isn't.
A few nice words. Cherrie Ying is always a pleasure to watch – I have yet
to see her in a very challenging role but have always enjoyed simply watching
her face mutate into various expressions in which she uses her dewy pie eyes
and full lower lip to convey her thoughts. She also has one of the better
smiles in Hong Kong today – it starts off nibbling at the edges as if undecided
to go on and then slowly spreads across her face like an Easter egg hunt
on a Sunday morning.