Model from Hell

Believe me, you really don’t even want to know. What ever possessed me to pick up this VCD at my local store? Impulse buys can be dangerous things in the wrong hands. Of course so is filmmaking. Director Chiu Jan Keung should be on a wanted poster. Crime – causing bodily damage to careers and reputations with a loaded camera.

Actually, there was a reason that I picked up this VCD – a picture of Simon Yam and Maggie Q. on the cover. It’s almost always fun to see what Simon is up to – and I was curious to see the film debut of this well know HK fashion model who hails from Hawaii and is of Vietnamese and American parentage.

I could be wrong, but I think this is a horror film. I am just not sure whether it is a brilliant homage to the low budget horror/alien films of Ed Wood or is simply one of the worst films ever made. If I had to place money, it would be on the latter though. The special effects consist of dimming the lights, a paper mache head that Maggie holds on her shoulder to simulate having a second head, phony eyeballs and someone wrapped up in saran wrap with Tabasco sauce poured on it.

The film makes no sense at all. Why does Maggie have two heads? Ehrr - we never find out. Why are there two Maggies? Beats me. How does she grow back her head after its been cut off? Doesn’t matter. Mainly though why did Maggie Q choose this film for her debut. It’s almost as great a mystery as to why Simon is in it. I know he is the man who can't say “no” to a movie offer – and he does get to spend most of his screen time either on top of Maggie or locking lips with her - but even Simon has to learn to say no sometimes.

On the other hand - could you say no to kissing this?!
At the beginning of the film, Maggie is knifed and set on fire. The assailant then joins her in the fiery barbecue to oblivion. Well, since she is the star of the film, it is not too surprising that she soon shows up again. In fact, two Maggies do and they hate each other and are trying to kill one another. I don’t know why. One of the Maggie’s becomes a model – uses mind control to have two men do her bidding  - and killing. You know they are under her control because their eyes get really big and their speech really sloooow.

Someone surreptitiously films Maggie and the negatives show her with two heads. I don’t know why. So she has to get the film back and uses her mind control to explode a few brains and some eyeballs and they always end up stuck to the ceiling looking like yesterday’s scrambled eggs. Now why don’t other pictures that are taken by Simon show her with two heads? I don’t know. At some point both her heads are cut off – and they later regenerate. How? I don’t know. Is her character an alien, a monster, a ghost? I just don’t know!

Now Maggie does have a nice scary stare – one I am sure she has long practiced on room service waiters and dress fitters – and she is undeniably lovely, so hopefully someone will give her another opportunity in a film in which she only has to act with one head.

My rating for this film: this I know – 3.0