Cash on Delivery

Many of us may be under the impression that being a professional gigolo is a bed of roses, but after watching this film it is clear that this is far from the case. First, it is a constantly gruelling battle to keep your “money earner” in mint condition – even going so far as to lift weights with it. Secondly, one’s own pleasure is not important or as Simon Yam explains to Michael Chow, “a woman is like a well, a man is like a pipe – a woman can orgasm many times, a man only once. Remember, if you think of your own climax first, it is shame for the gigolo”. Thirdly, you have to become an expert in all the kisses – as Simon lists them in a court room scene – “the furious kiss, the light kiss, the testing kiss, the biting kiss, the wet kiss, the dry kiss, the wild kiss, the deep kiss and the 69 kiss!” Fourthly, younger gigolos on their way up are always challenging you – to duels such as the “pick up the stamp on the bottom of the glass with your tongue” contest.
So Simon has got out of the game – he has ownership shares in a gigolo establishment, but does not any longer provide the service himself. Instead, he has become an antique buyer whiling away his days buying old clocks and watches. He has met a woman that intrigues him – novice lawyer, Sandra Ng – and they are slowly falling in love. But, one day he receives an offer he can’t refuse – five days on board a ship with Veronica Yip in return for an antique watch that he had very much wanted. Now most of us would not need that incentive to spend five days alone on a sail boat with Veronica Yip making love in every stem and every stern – but Simon is a complete professional.
Perhaps too much of a professional as he services Veronica so thoroughly that she falls obsessively in love with Simon. This is a bit of a problem as she is married – and now pregnant with Simon’s child – and Simon wants nothing to do with her. His contract is fulfilled as far as he is concerned. Things become very messy when her husband turns up dead and Simon is on trial for his murder – and a very embittered woman is testifying against him. As you can probably guess – Sandra becomes his lawyer.
This film is not one of the best entries into the Simon Yam gigolo genre (Gigolo and Whore I&II, Friday Gigolo, Hong Kong Gigolo) as it veers away at some point from the enjoyable gigolo material into the territory of some fairly nonsensical melodrama. Still Simon, who always has the look of a cat, who has just had a large bowl full of fresh milk, is wonderfully sleek, urbane and charming. Of course he is the perfect gigolo in every sense of the word and that’s why he made this gigolo genre practically his own. Then there is Veronica Yip.
If I were totally immature I would simply go Yip-y-yai-yay or vroom-vroom-Veronica – but that would be silly in a sophisticated review such as this. She is like a red-hot racing car just waiting for a Grand Prix driver to work her gears – all sultry and sexy and volcanic (and often unclad I should add for those with sensitive morals). She may be psychotic, but damn I ‘d take her in a minute. Hell, I'd even take up pool for Veronica! That Simon prefers the somewhat mousy Sandra Ng to Veronica, shows he is a better man than I.

“Is it all in that pretty little head of yours
What goes on in that place in the dark?
Well I used to know a girl and I would have
Sworn that her name was Veronica.

But she used to have a carefree mind of her
Own, with devilish look in her eye
Saying “You can call me anything you like, but my name is Veronica”

Elvis Costello

My rating for this film: really 5 – but add two additional points for Veronica's: 7.0

 DVD Information:

Distributor - Yuki Video

Yuki Video seems to hold the same principles as Ocean Shores - give the viewer as little as possible. There is no menu - no trailer - no previews - no nada.

The transfer is generally OK - but has a fair amount of speckling at times. This is likely just the LD source.


Subs - burnt on English and Chinese

Star files - None

Subs are generally readable - a few scenes where they fade in with the background.