Fantasy Mission Force
Reviewed by YTSL
Before I plunge into a thoroughly opinionated
review of the Chu Yen Ping directorial effort that really would be much more
fittingly entitled "Nightmare Mission Farce", I would urge the reader to
bear in mind the following contextualizing details. One is that I am
a major admirer of Brigitte Lin Ching-Hsia. Another is that I am a
person who is generally appreciative of the comedic as well as action elements
of Jackie Chan's works. Thirdly, I actually enjoyed "The Eagle Shooting
Heroes", a movie about which the hardly high brow Thomas Weisser actually
wrote was "one mindless sight gag after another, with absolutely no regard
for continuity. In the wrong hands, this film could single-handedly
destroy the current rage for Asian cinema". Also, it is my definite
opinion that the rather silly "Holy Weapon" is not, contrary to the opinion
of LEH (see Joseph Fierro's Hong Kong Cinema site), "the worst Hong Kong
movie ever". Additionally, it should be realized that what good points
I allow that this 1984 work has comes from my knowingly approaching and treating
it as a potentially good bad movie (as opposed to evaluating it as I regularly
would most other films).
Yet I could not -- still cannot -- really comprehend
the absolute AWFULNESS as well as stupidity and depravity of FANTASY MISSION
FORCE. Okay. I will grant that contrary to many reports, Chu Yen Ping
did NOT make a World War II movie. Rather, he set events in a ridiculous
alternate universe in which: Japanese Nazis appear to have struck --
and maybe even occupied -- the northern part of Canada and the heart of Western
Europe that is Luxembourg; Abraham Lincoln is one of the generals that they
have captured; and James Bond (in his Roger Moore manifestation), Rocky Balboa
and Black Fox (an eye-patch wearing character played by Brigitte Lin in "Amazon
Commandos", an earlier Chu Yen Ping work) are considered as possibilities
to head a rescue team before the powers that be settle on a mercenary
(portrayed by Jimmy Wang Yu) and a group that he goes off and assembles (which
ends up including a non eye-patch wearing bazooka-wielder named Lily played
by a surely bewigged Brigitte Lin).
Jackie Chan fans ought to take note that although he is involved in what
passes for the film's climactic battle, his character is NOT a member of
the so-called FANTASY MISSION FORCE. Rather, he and his companion (played
by Chang Ling) weave in and out of the movie in a way that is as inexplicable
and incidental -- beyond adding further inanity and what passes for amusing
moments to the entire production -- as the rescue team's: Encountering
a bunch of hostile Amazons who put on what look like brown paper bags on
top of their heads when they ride out to attack people and are led by a dinner-jacketed
male artist (who comes in the form of Adam Cheng); spending some time in
a haunted house with such as Ming Dynasty-costumed, blue-faced, mahjong-playing,
otherwise hopping, vampires and a ghostly seductress; and themselves being
composed of such as two kilted men, someone who wears a Prussian helmet and
metal armor and consequently made me think of the Wizard of Oz's Tinman,
and another who looks like an Elvis impersonator (but that could just be
his then contemporary clothing style!).
For those who have sneaked a look at my rating of this film and found that
it is not a zero, here's the pathetic story of how FANTASY MISSION FORCE
actually earned some points. Sad but true...this Brigittephile awarded
it one point for her being in it. And while I did not appreciate watching
her -- and I really do think it was Ms. Lin rather than a stunt double --
being dragged in the dirt by horses in one scene, I must admit to having
found some humor in watching a chipper her in a ludicrous -- and, if I were
to be Politically Correct, appalling -- drinking contest with a man which
involved their...removing pieces of clothing off a tied-up woman after each
drink by doing such as shooting and throwing knives to loosen or entirely
do away with said female's garments! Then there are two half points
which come from: Watching Jackie Chan competing with someone else to
look more manly by way of puffing big cigars and pipes; and the particularly
demented scenes in the bath and other rooms of a spook-infested building.
Other than that...
It truly is the case that I still can't quite believe that I actually watched
this movie in its entirety without fast-forwarding through any of it.
Until I saw FANTASY MISSION FORCE, I also would not have realized that something
so consciously and consistently stupid can actually be(come) so generally
unfunny and largely boring. Perhaps the bottom line with regards to
this Taiwanese lunacy is that one should subject oneself to viewing it as
part of a confirmation ceremony of one's being a genuine Hong Kong movie
fan (and even then, one ought not to undergo this experience alone!).
Otherwise, my strong recommendation is that people stay far away from it...and
urge that its very existence be concealed from friends (and relatives) who
you are trying to convince re the -- not just absolute nor technological
but also creative, imaginative, complex and layered -- quality of Hong Kong
films.
My (very generous) rating for this film:
2.
