A Sublime Love Story: Barsaat
Director: Suneel Darshan
Music: Nadeen-Shravan
Year: 2005
Duration: 143 minutes
When I want to see Barsaat in the theater
I was all alone until the lights went out and then three people who were either
lost, ashamed of being seen or sneaking in from another screening straggled
in. This was the second day into its run but clearly the word had spread
like wildfire among the knowing that this was one film to avoid like the
Black Plague. I had actually intended to see The Rising but changed my mind
at the box office - after reading all the comments it felt too much like
a class assignment and I was more in the mood for something lighter and with
Bispasha Basu and Priyanka Chopra I figured how bad could it be? Can I go
back in time?
This is such an awkward nearly brain cell destroying clunker that it had
two of the three other folks in a state of giggles throughout and I needed
to tie myself down with barbed wire to stop from leaving. I really wanted
to but the $10.50 ticket price forced me to painfully stay seated till the
bitter conclusion. I was also mildly curious to see which of these stunning
women would end up with the door prize that comes in the form of Bobby Deol
so that I could send them a sympathy card. Deol has made a career by looking
petulant like a five year old who doesn't get to watch Sesame Street. His
expressions range from a frown to a blank stare but this has done him well
over the years. He certainly has plenty of scope to do petulant here and
pretty much goes through the entire film looking dour, annoyed, irritated
and aggravated - of course with films like this and a film career that is
slowly headed south it's no surprise. The shock is why on earth Bipasha and
Priyanka signed on to such a lame old fashioned story - either they didn't
read the script or organized crime have pictures of them.
The only real suspense in the film is which of these two knockouts and rivals
for the title of the sexiest Bollywood actress would come off the best. It’s
a tough one to score - Bipasha plays the Western NRA and so she naturally
gets all the cleavage shots that proliferate like drunks at a soccer match
but Priyanka gets more than a few crying scenes and still gets to have her
wet sari scene - which in truth was devastatingly sexy and nearly made staying
worth it. Both look so delicious that it's more than a little difficult to
suspend belief that they could both love old mopey Bobby. If ever there was
an argument for converting to Islam and being able to have two wives this
would be it.
In some nameless city in the United States, Bobby is a car mechanic working
in a shop but he has dreams - big dreams - he wants to be a car designer
making flashy fast cars for young wealthy people but not surprisingly no
one is knocking down his door to hire him. But you know it is only a matter
of time before his genius is recognized. One fateful day he goes to grab
his fortune out of a jar and lo and behold a woman grabs the same fortune!
This is Bipasha and the fortune reads something to the effect that "today
you will meet your destiny". Her name isn't destiny but she is sure that
the two of them are meant to be together and tells him this - basically take
me I am yours – you are the last Indian man in town - but Bobby doubts this
and blows her off. Let me repeat that - he blows off the full-lipped full
figured Bispasha Basu like a candy wrapper. Later he runs into her and once
again he blows off her advances - what's wrong with this guy - she is practically
purring on his lap and this guy hasn't had sex since . . . ever. At
one point Bobby says that he is “Happy and gay”. But he’s just kidding. Uh-huh.
After yet another run-in he ends up accidentally leaving his laptop with
all of his designs in her car and the very next day he receives a call from
BMW and they want to interview him! How did this come about? Well that’s
obvious, she opened his computer, turned it on and looked at his designs
and realized instantly what a brainiac he was and arranged the whole thing
- now he realizes that he loves her after all and gets all mushy with her
in an open field and soon becomes engaged to her. How sweet is that
- it really was destiny.
Oops - he forgot one small detail - something anyone could easily forget
under the hurly burly activity of life - until he gets a call late one night
- "Oh ya, I am already married to a girl back home". Darn it all. Yes, he
is married to his gal pal from childhood - but after going away to school
for 10 straight years without going home to visit - Bobby as a college boy
is a hoot - he had kind of forgotten her until her grandma pleaded with him
to marry her before the grandma died and this being Farida Jalal who could
say no. So he marries her and rushes off to America before doing his husband's
duty and has been there for many years leaving his poor wife behind with
his parents doting for his return. She spends much of her time hugging the
tree they planted so many years before. Sniff. His wife is Priyanka Chopra
- maybe the sexist woman alive - and he runs off in a huff before doing anything
and never returns to her. Sure this is all really believable. Now he has
to go back and ask for a divorce but she refuses because she is going to
fight for her man! As she tells him, "did you know there is no Hindi
word for divorce?" I wonder if there is one for abysmally bad? This film
is so stupid I am getting a migraine thinking about it. BMW may have to change
their name apparently because they are so embarrassed that they are associated
with this film. The musical numbers are not bad – there are many of them -
some pictured with a lot of sex appeal and thrusting bosums from the two
women and one is a really nicely choreographed song set among the gypsies.
My rating for this film: 3.0