After watching Zakhmi Aurat and all the
castrations, I needed to see something that would clean the grunge and grime
out of my mouth. And what could do that better than the smile of Priety Zinta.
You can easily lose yourself in her deep dimples and a search party would
never find you. She was a smash with her first film appearance in Dil Se in
1998 when everyone asked the same question - why did Shahrukh Khan pick Manisha
Koirala over Priety. It made no sense. But then the producers never expected
everyone to fall in love with Preity. She was a ray of light, Manisha was
a dark cloud, but sometimes the dark pulls on us. Preity was like everyone's
first pet. You never forget them. After this she starred in a number of romantic
comedies for the next ten years before she started slowing down. In 2016 she
married a fellow named Goodenough. Goodenough? How can you settle for Goodenough?
And she seems to have basically retired.
Salaam Namaste did the trick. It replaced the grunge with a taste of artificially
sweet sugar. This is a slick bombastic romantic comedy with big songs, great
location shooting, vivid striking colors, a sparkling lens and two big stars.
A part of my brain just sucked that artificial sugar in and it put me in a
happy place and another darker part of my brain was repulsed by it at times.
From minute one you generally know exactly where it will go but they throw
in elements of modernity (for a Bollywood film) that are quite surprising
- but eventually conservative values come out on top. It is Bollywood after
all. It goes back and forth between cringeworthy and comedy like a yoyo.
The cringeworthy comes from the character of Saif Ali Khan who is an utter
shit though we are supposed to like him. And some dubiously funny scenes that
almost belong in another film - especially a keystone doctor scene from a
hard to recognize Abhisek Bachchan that was close to brilliant if totally
out of place for this film.
It takes place in a Melbourne so shiny and clean that it hurts your eyes.
There apparently is a large Indian community because pretty much everyone
in the film is from India. The few white folks are basically idiots. Hey,
they have a right to stereotype us too. Ambar (Priety) is a popular radio
DJ on the Salaam Namaste station with an early morning show. After the show,
she goes to study to be a doctor. One morning she has a chef scheduled to
be interviewed. This is Nick (Saif) and when he doesn't show up she lambasts
and insults him on her show for days afterwards. They end up at a wedding
- he the caterer and she the friend of the victim - I mean bride. They fall
for each other immediately. Lead a big dance number on the beach with the
women in bikinis. Have moony eyes for one another. Both strongly against the
idea of marriage and children. But those dimples. They find out who each is
but it doesn't matter. The testosterone is at play.
After three days they decide to move in together but separate bedrooms.
In a beautiful house on the beach. This being Bollywood I actually expected
it to stay clean - but damn, they get it on - kiss and have sex. Priety Zinta
having sex. I never thought I would see that. Pre-marital sex. They are as
happy as two dogs chasing a hound. And then . . . she gets pregnant. And the
film falls to pieces as Patsy Cline would sing. Nick turns into a creep, a
jerk, a nasty piece of work or as some women might say, a typical man. Your
fault, "kill it" he immediately says. I will have nothing to do with it.
Get out of my life. She considers abortion but can't go through with it.
She decides to stay in the house. He keeps being an ass, you want him to
break a leg or something. Who on earth could be mean to Preity Zinta? Hopefully,
not Mr. Goodenough.
