Dubbed
And it looked so good on paper. But then so did the Constitution till we
realized later that they forgot about women and slaves. But there was no
fixing this film. It is both the best and worst Muy Thai-Kung-fu-Spaghetti
Western ever made I expect. Because it is likely the only one. It reeks of
badness so much that it should be quarantined never to be let out. Now admittedly,
I knew this five minutes into the film but felt I needed to keep going just
to see how bad, bad could get. It took me down a black hole of cheap sets,
horrible acting. dreadful dubbing and action that my grandmother could have
performed better. And she is dead. How do movies like this get made and yet
here it is 47 years later on dvd. When so many great movies have been lost,
we still have this turd in a bucket of swill. But on paper dang it looks
like a winner.
It begins in a temple in Thailand and it really is Thailand amazingly. They
had enough money to go over there to shoot a five minute segment but not
enough to use wood instead of plywood that a good wind will blow down. Our
hero who gets no name but is played by Krung Srivilai. Again a surprise -
he is really Thai and not Yellow-Faced. Not only that but he was a famous
action star in Thailand during the 70's and 80's and made over 400 films.
Some possibly worse than this but not likely. And he is still acting! In
the film, he is at the temple to get the blessing of the head monk on a journey
he has to make to the Old West in America to deliver the ashes and jewels
of an American friend. I guess news traveled fast from Thailand back then
because a gang of ne'er-do-wells headed by Gordon Mitchell knows about the
jewels and are waiting for him. "Where is Thailand boss?". "I don't know
but I think it is near China". "So we should be looking for a yellow man".
And wouldn't you know it a Chinese man named Won Lon (Lung Kam Wong) with
his mule happens to pass by. He has to spend five minutes convincing them
that he is not Thai and Thai's are not Chinese. You have eaten in my restaurant.
Oh ya. Married to a white woman. Ok - and he hasn't been lynched? The Thai
shows up and they go after him but some Muy Thai takes care of them and Won
Lon throws some acupuncture needles into the hands of two of the bad guys
and they yell out that they have to go see a doctor. Real tough guys. The
rest of the film is the gang trying to get the jewels - they shoot the family
they are intended for - even the young daughter in the back. They kind
of deserve it though. The father of the dead man reaches for a rifle on the
wall - bang - the wife goes for the rifle - bang - and the daughter
runs away - bang.
There are so many bad bits to the film that it would take a running commentary
to express it. This is an Italian production directed by Franco Lattanzi
who made three other films before this but thankfully none after. George
Eastman shows up as the sheriff who from a jail cell says to his corrupt
deputy, you bastard and the deputy says "you should not have said that".
And Eastman gratefully exits the film. I should have as well.
