The Return of Charlie Chan
Director: Daryl
Duke
Year:
1973
Rating: 3.0
Well, I was curious
to see just how bad this film was and also how politically incorrect. It
is 1973 and Hollywood was still having white actors portray Charlie Chan.
Of course, eight years later Peter Ustinov did the same. The Charlie Chan
films with Warner Oland or Sidney Toler back in the 1930s and 40s don't bother
me. Different times. We may wish we were better back then but remember the
Chinese Exclusion Act banning Chinese from immigrating to America was still
in effect. But this is 1973 and ABC thought this was a great idea for a TV
show. This is the pilot, but thankfully it is so bad that it died a quick
death. I asked our good friend AI when the last Yellow-face appearance in
Hollywood was and it came back with Cloud Atlas in 2012. From what I gather
not having seen the film that the actors portrayed numerous different characters
over time and some were Koreans, so it was an artistic choice more than a
racial one. No one has attempted doing another Chan film since Ustinov's
Charlie Chan and the Curse of the Dragon Queen. But if someone ever does
and uses a white actor, they can probably say goodbye to their testicles.
But Charlie Chan has likely become too toxic to do so. Maybe with a gender
twist and Michelle Yeoh playing Chan. There was talk years ago of Chow Yun-fat
doing one, but that seems to have fallen by the roadside.
Chan is played by Ross Martin who was the
other guy in The Wild Wild West and he is terrible here. A moustache, goatee
and narrowing of the eyes doesn't really do it. Not even with him spitting
out one Confucus aphorism after another. But I am not sure if having Leslie
Nielsen as a Greek Onassis like magnate with a thick accent is any better.
A lot of embarrassing performances to go around. I mainly feel bad for the
two Chan children that go with him - played by Asians (which was the case
all the way back) but Virginia Ann Lee and Rocky Gunn were probably hoping
for a steady gig.
On his giant yacht, Hadrachi (Nielsen) is
nearly killed by an unseen gunman. It has to be one of his guests. One played
by Richard Hayden suggests hiring the long-retired Charlie Chan to look into
this. Chan is happily ensconced with his children and grandchildren teaching
the little ones how to detect, but is persuaded to take the case. Before
even getting there an attempt is made on his life. The list of suspects is
as long as a Tolstoy novel and I got lost. A couple murders take place and
as is the tradition, Chan gathers them all together for the big and
ridiculously long denouement. And I followed it as well as I would a lecture
on Quantum Mechanics. In Mandarin. Now, the Ustinov film is the only Chan
film I have not seen. He played Hercule so why not Chan. How bad can it be?
