Well, if Ron Desantis
isn't enough to keep you out of Florida, this film should do it. What a raggedy
ass low-life state full of cretins, killers, gangs, ninjas, the unbathed
and women who take off their tops to display saggy breasts that kind of look
like a map of Florida. Couldn't they find a good looking woman in the whole
state? Definitely not, at the Botox infused Mar-a-Lago. Besides that
apparently it is legal to drive a motorcycle down the street dressed as a
ninja with a sword hanging over your shoulder and no one will mind. Open
Samurai Sword laws. This is pretty bad but fairly entertaining. It reminds
me that this is how American martial arts film action looked 35 years ago
- slow choreography, punches and kicks that miss by a crocodile and extras
who have no idea what they are doing. But my guess is that if I had seen
this back in 1987 I would have thought the action was pretty good - lots
of it - Taekwondo and sword play - some nice graphic slicing and dicing -
the arm being cut off was a nice touch as was the head. But then I discovered
Hong Kong action and this stuff looks so silly.
This was put together by Y.K. Kim, a Taekwondo
teacher from Korea who set up a school in Florida to teach and then used
his students for this film. He is quoted as saying " I went to Twentieth
Century, Warner Bros., Paramount, Universal, you name it. Every single person
say, 'Hey, Y.K. Kim, this is trash, this is trash! Don't waste your time!'
I don't even know how many times this movie died. But I went too far, I couldn't
stop. No way! Whenever I wanted to stop I can see my students' faces. That's
the martial arts spirit. I had promised these students, you know?". Which
makes him a hero in my book. This is the only film he was in though the director
who is a fellow Korean, Park Woo-sang, directed a bunch of action films in
America. None of which I have heard of but I will go in search - Kill the
Ninja, L.A. Streetfighters, Gang Justice (starring Erik Estrada!), Chinatown
2 and Another Chinatown. I am demanding a blue ray box set of these films.
Crime and drugs are infesting the state
and only a rock and roll kung fu band can stop them. It opens with a drug
deal going down between two respectable looking parties in Panama hats carrying
machine guns and then suddenly they are interrupted by black clad ninjas
wielding swords, arrows and darts. The ninjas make short work of them
- mincemeat you might literally say - and regroup at the Boss's (Si Y Jo
- his only credit so I guess a friend of Kim's) home and congratulate themselves
until the Master Ninja asks who took the money. Oh shit. We forgot the money
but the Boss has it and admonishes them not to do it again. Meanwhile, a
member of the band called Dragon Sound is dating a girl and it turns out
her brother is the head of a bunch of dregs who call themselves a gang who
would be laughed out of The Warriors. He doesn't like seeing his sister get
kissed by another man and declares war against the band - who do a nice song
called Ninjas Dancing - a little stuck in my head.
Little does he know they are all Taekwondo
trained. Y.K. Kim looks to be the real deal and his fights are quick and
violent. Crunch. There goes your arm. Crunch, There goes your neck. Eventually
they call in the Ninjas and we get a lot of killing. None of these guys and
gals can act a bit. I don't think any of them were in another film. This
was just doing Kim a favor. This was his dream but Rocky it wasn't. Still
very cool.
