Seven Steven Seagal Films
                                                             
Above the Law (1988) - 6.5




AKA - Nico

Steven Seagal's life is shrouded in mystery. He claims to have been recruited into the CIA, but they deny he ever was. People that knew him call him a compulsive liar. By nearly every account he is a scumbag. A strong supporter of Putin, accused by numerous women of sexual harassment, banned from ever appearing on Saturday Night Live again because he was such an asshole and had no sense of humor. But nevertheless, he has had a lengthy movie career. Being an asshole in Hollywood clearly isn't a deal breaker.



What is strange is how his film career even got started. He moved to Japan as a young man to study the martial art of Aikido and married his sifu's daughter. She has nothing good to say about him. He moved to the USA to open his own dojo but had time to have an affair with Kelly LeBrock who he later married after divorcing his wife. Now it gets stranger. One of his students was Michael Ovitz, a big-time agent. Ovitz saw such star quality in Seagal that he paid for him to have a screen test with Warners. Now many of us have seen Seagal act or in his case not act and yet his screen test was apparently so impressive that Warners signed him to a three-picture contract. As the lead. A guy who had never acted. And so here he is in his debut, Above the Law. And he manages to hook in Pam Grier, Sharon Stone and one of our favorite villains, Henry Silva. Admittedly, Grier was past her glory days, Stone was early on in her career and Silva only shows up for a few scenes, but is rumored to have broken Seagal's nose in a fight scene.



The film oddly begins with Seagal's character giving a biographical sketch of his life with pictures of Seagal as a child and parts of it matching his life. In it he joins the CIA and goes to Vietnam and disappears when he sees a CIA agent torture a Viet Cong. Played by Silva. The film then jumps years ahead and Seagal is a cop in Chicago partnered with Grier and married to Stone. He is after the biggest drug dealer in the city and thinks he has him nailed, but the FBI lets him go on orders from Washington and tell the police to leave him alone. Seagal doesn't play that game and is of course suspended. Then there is a lot of plot about rogue CIA agents headed by Silva planning to assassinate a Senator. I got a bit lost. But there is a lot of Seagal action where everyone gets their asses kicked, a great stunt where someone falls out of a building, Grier is always great and a young Stone who later said that Seagal kept telling her to stay out of his "chi". It wasn't a big hit but made enough money for Seagal to continue. It is pure Seagal right from the beginning. Give him credit for creating his screen persona of impassivity and near invulnerability right from the start. It never really changed.



It is funny to read Ebert's review of the film at the time. A real man crush. "His voice has a certain quality to it, like Richard Gere’s, that suggests he sometimes would rather keep talking after he barks out typical action dialogue. He is physical enough to create a believable menace in the violent scenes, and yet we can believe that sensitivity coexists with brutality in his makeup. Is he indeed Hollywood’s hottest new action star? Who knows. But he has the stuff." It is directed by Andrew Davis who already had the Chuck Norris film Code of Silence under his belt.
Hard to Kill (1990) - 6.0



If I am ever in a coma for seven years, please hire Kelly LeBrock or a reasonable facsimile to dress as a nurse and whisper in my ear, "would you like a little pussy?". Then raise my bedsheet and comment on its size and how she would love some of it. If that didn't wake me up, just pull the plug. And shave me dammit. Not sure how much I would like to be in this hospital. First, they announce that I am dead. Then they all are hanging around my bloody body with no masks on. My beard is down to my waist. And there is no one around when a hitman comes to kill me. But there is Kelly wanting to do dirty things. After seven years in a coma, I can't imagine there would be much to lust after, but I am not the Zen like Steven Seagal.



In this his second film, Seagal has enough pull that he can bring in his wife Kelly as the co-lead. She had not been in a film since the 1985 Weird Science but was a top model and known for her line in a commercial "Don't hate me because I am beautiful". Oddly, the film doesn't really capitalize on her looks; rarely giving her a close-up. Maybe Seagal didn't want her stepping on his "chi". He has a lot of close-ups and was probably tempted to say the same thing.



Seagal as cop Mason Storm gets the goods on a gangster and a politician with a recording device but instead of taking it to his supervisors, he goes home to his wife and young boy. But the bad guys know he recorded them and come gunning. The wife is not so hard to kill - you have to make room for Kelly - and he is badly shot up. He goes into a coma and does his best acting ever and the bad guys think he is dead. Seven years later looking like Rip Van Winkle, he wakes up to Kelly's bedside come ons. The bad guys ie corrupt cops learn that he is awake and send a killer. Kelly saves him and takes him to a ranch to recover. A bunch of acupuncture needles, Chinese herbs and a tumble with Kelly and he is ready to wreck revenge. In the way only Seagal can.



Without an expression on his face. Or much of an effort. I enjoy watching Seagal's physical action scenes. They are very clean and very quick. Perhaps too quick. There is a scene in a pool room where he enters, sees four tough guys, puts away his gun and you think, this will be the big fight. Fifteen seconds later, it is over. Decent film and it made a lot of money.
Marked for Death (1990) - 6.0





Marked for Death has the required quota of broken wrists, snapped necks, ripped ligaments and smashed glass. If you ever have Steven Seagal over for dinner, put the glass away. He loves throwing people into it. And through it. There is also the decapitated head for bonus points. Seagal returns for his third film and it is a solid action film like the previous two. By this time, the viewer knows exactly what he will get from a Seagal film. The villains will fuck with friends or family and Seagal will kill them all. Like the good Buddhist he is. And the bad guys are so despicable, that the viewer wants them dead. Lots of that in this one.

After a drug bust in Mexico has gone bad (small bit for Danny Trejo) and his partner is killed by a beautiful topless female assassin, he quits the DEA and goes to stay with his sister in good old small town America. Yup with all the trappings of high school football, family, old friends, cheer leaders, dance halls, Reggae clubs, voodoo parlors, drugs and gangsters. Try that in a small town. A Jamaican gang is selling drugs everywhere in town like the Good Humor man. They are run like a cult by Screwface (Basil Wallace) who has these creepy light blue eyes.

Seagal just wants to mind his own business as he tells his football coach friend played by Keith David. Drugs are global. You can't fight it. He is out of the kill everyone business. But in a nightclub shootout, he stops one of the gang from killing someone and that is all it takes for the gang to come after him. They wound his niece and mark his family for death. Big big mistake. Seagal gets that look on his face that can either be indigestion or he is going on a killing rampage. It also has Tom Wright as a Jamaican cop and Joanna Pacula who gets a surprisingly small amount of screen time. Seagal to his credit doesn't like down time - maybe because you have to act human in those scenes - and so it is action scene to chase to action scene. It did well at the box office. The budget was $12 million. Hard to imagine what the cost would be for the same film now.
Out for Justice (1991) - 7.0





Damn, I lived in Brooklyn for forty years and never saw a night like this. Prostitutes, mobsters, maniacs, shoot-outs and drugs everywhere in the Borough. This is like a tourist advertisement. Come to Brooklyn and Have the Night of Your Life. If you survive. Somehow, I missed all the fun tucked away in my gentrified neighborhood. At the beginning of the film there is a saying by playwright Arthur Miller about how even if there are no signs or walls or fences, people know where their neighborhood begins and ends. And beyond are strangers. Definitely, true for me. As soon as you crossed ninth street or below fourth ave or crossed Flatbush, you were among strangers.

This Steven Seagal film is all about the hood. A different one than I lived in. In this neighborhood mobsters rubbed shoulders with cops. Everyone knew who was who. Seagal's character was brought up in this Italian neighborhood and could have gone either way - mobster or cop. He chose cop. He knows everyone from the mobsters to the riffraff. And the few good people who survive. When his partner Bobby is shot down in broad daylight in front of his family by a coked up William Forsythe, Seagal swears to kill him.

And that is the entire film. One night of Seagal looking for this scumball and his crew of sleazebags. It turns into a rondelay of his hitting places Forsythe might be or people who know where he might be. These are not polite encounters. Except with the mob who want to kill Forsythe as much as he does. He is giving them a bad name. Seagal punches and shoots his way through the night. It makes for an unusual action film. There is a lot more mise en scène than you would expect from an action film as it inhales the environment; the clubs, the pool hall, the mob owned small restaurants, the streets with the hookers waving. Seagal is his usual tough guy - though more talkative than usual. He goes into a pool hall (which looked very much like the one near me) with enough cretin dirtbags to fill your worst dreams and unloads his gun, takes off his badge and says come on boys. Do your best.


Needless to say, they are soon broken pieces. I find Seagal a hard guy to like. For example, during the end credits he shows a few clips of the film. Naturally, I thought it would be humorous outtakes that went wrong. But not Seagal. That would admit he wasn't perfect.  I am mainly going through this streak of his films because a bad leg is making it hard to watch anything serious. Instead have been watching French TV crime shows. I highly recommend Astrid et Raphaëlle for those that like smart mysteries. This film is directed by Joe Flynn and also has Jerry Orbach and Gina Gershon on board. Seagal and Flynn had wanted a different title, but the studio insisted in a three word title.
Under Siege (1992) - 7.5





Steven Seagal's fifth film turned out to be a huge box office hit that he was never able to match again. I think I may have actually seen it in a theater. It was one of those films that every guy thought they had to see. A man's film. It is directed by Andrew Davis who had helmed Seagal's first film Above the Law and he does a remarkable job of making a $30 million budget look like a $100 million one. The premise is far from original, but at this point I don't think there had been many other Die Hard clones other than Die Hard 2. So, this still felt fresh and fun. Many many Die Hard clones later - including the Hong Kong film Red Wolf on a ship - it is easy now to discard this as just another Die Hard. It is, but it is very well done.

The legendary battleship the Missouri is being decommissioned and after leaving Pearl Harbor is headed for California. It still has nukes on it. A surprise party for the Captain (Patrick O'Neal in his final film role) is being organized by the second in command (Gary Busey). It is quite the surprise as Busey in hyper crazy mode brings on a contingent of terrorists headed by Tommy Lee Jones in even crazier mode. Busey and Jones seem to relish their roles as they try and outdo each other as mentally unstable. They soon have everyone on the ship locked up and accounted for. Oh, except for one guy. The cook. Busey had put him in the meat locker earlier on. No worry. He is just the asshole cook. Let's kill him just in case. So two of them open the meat locker like Pandora's box.

The cook is of course Seagal who does a mean bouillabaisse, but also happens to be able to kill in every way imaginable. And begins killing them all. That is a difference between Willis in Die Hard who is just your everyday cop put in a situation where he has to be better than he is and Seagal who never for a moment lacks confidence. He is always in control. Willis is bloodied and bruised by the end. Seagal looks like he is ready for GQ. They pair him off with Erika Eleniak for some odd reason. She came aboard as the girl who jumps out of the cake who never got the chance. Eleniak as is her character was Miss July Playboy Playmate and she has the well-designed breasts to prove it. She annoys initially but by the end she is rather adorable. Well-paced and well-done at a sleek 100 minutes. Having two mad villains is a plus. This has a sequel. On a train.
Under Siege 2 (1995) - 7.0




Run Ryback run. You can outrun the two trains colliding into each other and everything exploding and jump onto the helicopter ladder. This is what you were trained for. Just disappointed that he didn't stop to pick up the teddy bear. Totally insane, unbelievable and yet predictable. That is the nature of the Die Hard genre. The comic black porter? Of course, he is going to be Ryback's assistant in stopping the terrorists. The niece? Of course, she will be feisty, but the terrorists will use her as leverage. The many terrorists? Roadkill. After saving Hawaii from being nuked in Under Siege, this time it is only the Pentagon and Washington DC that he saves. I have family there. So, thank you Ryback.

Of all the trains in America, the terrorists have the bad luck of taking over the one that Ryback is on with his niece. Ryback is of course Steven Seagal who left his acting skills at the station. His line delivery in this one is as limp as his ponytail. Not that anyone comes for that. It is to see him break bones - wrists, feet, necks. We aren't picky though I admit a preference for the wrist. I can almost feel it. Ryback's brother just died in a plane crash and he has to travel cross country with the niece who is angry with him for missing the funeral. He was probably off saving the world in a dirigible. She is played by a quite young Katherine Heigl who is very cute at this point. Kudos to the casting folks. Hopefully, Seagal didn't hit on her.

The bad guys this time around are the mad scientist played by Eric Bogosian and the head mercenary by Everett McGill. Bogosian has managed to take control of one of our weapons in outer space that can cause earthquakes below. He destroys a plant in China and an airplane in mid-air. But the big target is the Pentagon and a reactor below it. He is being paid a billion dollars to destroy it. I always wonder where these guys think they will be able to spend that money with the world after them.

Anyway, nothing to worry about. Ryback and the porter (Morris Chestnut) are going to kill everyone. Do the minions ever think to themselves, shit I wasn't expecting this? I had no idea there were so many nifty places to hide and travel on a train. On the inside and out. Apparently, you can go from one of those scuzzy bathrooms directly into secret compartments by removing the paper holder. I will try that the next time. I was surprised that Erika Eleniak was not with him. They made such a cute couple in the first one. This hits all your expectations right on target. The many kills, the moment when they realize who they are against - fuck it's Ryback, the best there is, the niece telling her friend, don't worry my uncle will kill them all, the porter saying to the terrorist "I am a porter, not a busboy" with contempt (hey, I was a busboy once at the Mayflower Hotel. Had a crush on the cigarette girl Amalia), the corny line from Ryback, "Nobody beats me in the kitchen" as he breaks a neck. This is almost idiot proof because it does just what you want it to. As usual, Seagal comes out of it all with barely a scratch or much effort.
The Glimmer Man (1996) - 6.0




They call him the Glimmer Man. All you see is a glimmer and then dead bodies. This Steven Seagal film hits pretty much every B action cliche of the 1990s, but I found it enjoyable just for that reason. Seagal movies are comfort. You know he will be a pompous ass, use his legit martial arts to beat the hell out of everyone and will kill all the bad guys. Never in doubt for a second. Nor his expression ever changing. When a punch in the final fight bloodies his nose, I was shocked. It got through his impenetrable smugness. This film was the beginning of his decline to straight to video. People forget that his first seven films did reasonably well at the box office. Movie viewers seem to have caught up with him by this film and it lost money. So did his next film, Fire Down Below, and it was off to the land of video releases.



This isn't really that bad. It has a bit of everything. It's a Buddy movie. Seagal is the maverick cop who breaks all the rules; Keenan Ivory Wayans is the by the book cop. Make that a black and white Buddy movie. Seagal has the mysterious past like a Rambo. The Glimmer Man. The CIA are up to no good. The Russian mafia are the baddies. A serial killer is crucifying families. Seagal does his Zen delivery routine and introduces Wayans to deer penis. Wayans outruns an explosion, jumps out of his apartment window, lands on a car and is not even bruised. Best is these two bonding over Casablanca. Kind of surprised that Seagal never says "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship".



Seagal is the new cop, just transferred from NYC. A serial killer (Stephen Tobolowsky) has a nasty habit of nailing up entire families to the wall. You think this will be the main plot line of the film, but it is solved about halfway through. It is the lousy Russkies with an assist from the CIA (Brian Cox) that fill the rest of the movie. Smuggling chemical weapons in. A few decent action scenes. I enjoyed watching Seagal beat up a bunch of CIA agents like he was picking flowers and leaving the restaurant destroyed. Who has to pay for that? And then killing a gang of Russians with a credit card was fun. Never leave home without it.