Catwoman
       
Director: Pitof
Year: 2004
Rating: 5.5
Welcome to the 2004 Golden Razzy Winner! A clean sweep. Worst Picture, Worst Actress, Worst Director and Worst Screenplay. But it should have won an Oscar for Best Lipstick. I do think that critics enjoy piling on in their smug asshole manner. I expect there were many worse films in 2004. With a quick look D.E.B.S, Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, Confessions of a Teenage Dram Queen jump off the page. Were they really better than Catwoman?  Maybe. I didn't see any of them, so I can't say. Still, this made $80 million in ticket sales. Not exactly corn flakes. Unfortunately, it cost $100 million so it was called a bomb. Most of the budget probably went to the catsuit. I am amazed that it didn't become a fashion craze, but then not many would look as good as Halle Berry in it. She owns that suit as she struts around like she is on a catwalk. The filmmakers made two big mistakes - and a lot of little ones - just who is this Catwoman - what is her place in the proud pantheon of previous Catwomen from Lee Meriwether to Eartha Kitt to Julie Newmar. Those are the Catwomen boys and men still dream about. And where was Batman? But their worst crime was not having any cat puns. How can that be? Not even a purr-fect or a nine lives reference? A few choice puns and this would have been cathartic.



The most unbelievable thing about the film is that Halle Berry initially plays a meek shy cubicle imprisoned graphic artist who can't get a guy. I can believe that she crawls up walls and can jump from roof to roof - but can't get a guy? She works in a cosmetic business run by the literally steely jawed Sharon Stone who has developed a cream that makes you look great till you stop and then you turn into a prune face. She has to kill a few people to keep that little fact secret and Halle is one of them when they flush her into the sewers with all the chemicals. She is woken and brought back to life by a mystical cat. See, this I can believe but that she can't get a guy? This could have been a catastrophe but instead she has cat powers and can whiz up and down buildings in the worst special effects since Mighty Mouse. But she furr-gets what happened to her and becomes like catnip to the hot cop who thinks he is on the catbird seat with her. There is needless to say a great catfight between her and Stone - who has a stone-face from the cream. Her Kryptonite is rain and red laser lights because at heart she is just a pussy cat. And she likes going out at night meowing at the moon.