V. I. Warshawski
                                                                                                            
    
Director: Jeff Kanew
Year:
1991
Rating: 5.5

V.I. Warshawski is a private detective - can't say private dick because she is female - in a series of over twenty novels from 1982 to the present day from Sara Paretsky. Chicago is her turf. Back in 1982 female detectives were very unusual - women solved crimes but as amateurs - but V.I. was a tough detective in the hard-boiled tradition. There have been many female private detectives since in literature, less so in films. As Hollywood does, they pick one of her books and change pretty much everything about the plot. They can't help themselves. At least they chose Kathleen Turner to portray her. She gives the character a brittle sarcastic, take no shit attitude with her famous smokey voice which every detective should have. She even has an apartment that looks out on Wrigley Field.  But the film lets her down. Except for a nice twisty violent ending, it is no better than an episode of Rockford. Bland and by the numbers. And it bombed. Goodbye V.I. Warshawski.



She picks up or he picks her up in a bar and before I had time to get any popcorn, they were canoodling in the parking lot. He is an ex-hockey player looking to score a goal but she puts up a defense for that night with an invitation to try again some other time. he doesn't wait long. Would you for Kathleen Turner? He comes over that night - but with his ten-year-old daughter Kat (Angela Goethals) and asks for V.I. to babysit her for a few hours. Kat is of course one of those smart-ass movie brats that don't exist in real-life. After 90-minutes of her I wanted to sue the film studio for mental anguish. The daughter was one of the scriptwriter's inventions. I know what this film needs - an obnoxious kid who helps her solve the case and is almost killed. The father gets murdered in a boat explosion - at least that stops any tedious romance - and Kat pays V.I. $1 to find out who killed her dad.



That entails the usual getting knocked out, slapped around, threatened to stop snooping - but get this - the guy who beats her up is Newman! Damn you Newman - Wayne Knight as a psycho - no wonder he got the role as the mailman on Seinfeld the following year. Don't worry, she gets him back with a nutcracker. Charles Durning gets stuck with the tough cop role who keeps telling her to drop the case before she gets killed. She doesn't of course - that would go against the P.I. code of honor. $1 is a dollar.