Kiss the Girls and
Make Them Die
Director: Henry Levin
Year: 1966
Rating:
5.5
With a title like this you might
be expecting a serial killer film, but instead it is a spy spoof. Though
it is directed by American Henry Levin and stars American Mike Connors, everything
else about it is Italian from producer Dino De Laurentiis to most of the
crew and much of the cast. When this was released, the critics ripped it
apart like a mad dog, but time has done it some favors. What no doubt felt
like over the top spoof seems less so in retrospect after the absurdity of
some of the Roger Moore Bond films and certainly no less sensible than most
of the Euro-Spy films. It has a ridiculous plot and is populated by stunning
women but don't all those Euro-Spy films. In America, spy films were being
poked fun at as well with the Dean Martin Matt Helm films and Coburn in the
Flint ones. This is not much sillier than those and actually this plays it
straight for much of the film only to have a few intervals of nonsense comedy.
Mainly involving Terry-Thomas. If you cut those out, it would feel like a
regular adventurous spy film.
It is shot in Rio and takes advantage of
that with great location shooting. One scene is rather amazing. Kelly (I
Spy nod?) played by Connors is a CIA agent tracking Mr. Ardonian (Raf Vallone)
who he suspects of white slavery. That is because he is putting beautiful
girls all over the city in fabulous apartments. And on occasion they disappear.
In his revolving desk office, Ardonian has a bank of monitors where secret
cameras spy on them. He sends a bunch of killers to silence Kelly who he
thinks is a pest. The chase takes Kelly up the Corcovado and then into the
Christ the Redeemer statue. To the top. On the top. There Kelly gets picked
up by a helicopter. For real. The stunt man refused to do it, so Connors
did. Hopefully, it was the last shot they needed in the film. No blue screen
or CGI. The film claims this is the only film given permission to use the
statue in that manner. Dino had chops I expect.
A bunch of lovely ladies show up but most
of them only for a minute or two - Beverly Adams, Marilù Tolo, Nicoletta
Machiavelli (damn, I would have a hard time trusting a woman with that last
name), Seyna Seyn (as the Chinese agent) and lastly one of my favorites Margaret
Lee who showed up in many Euro-Spy films. It is a short scene but a memorable
one as she lies in bed only covered by a towel and a scorpion edging its
way toward her. The main female role goes to Dorothy Provine (the blonde
annoyed wife of Milton Berle in It's a Mad, Mad Mad World). She is upper
crust British with a chauffer - Terry Thomas - whose car must have been built
by Q. It has everything. And Thomas is a martial arts expert.
It turns out that Ardonian is not into white
slavery but has a deal with the Chinese to make Americans infertile with
a satellite that circles the world - but he wants to go one better - do the
whole world except him. An early version of Thanos. Save the world by killing
it. He has preserved those missing women to bring them back from a frosty
environment and it will be up to him to re-populate the earth. So basically,
a horny bastard who can't get laid otherwise. The film does have one of the
more imaginative product placement shots for Bulova watches that I have seen.
Bulova. Time flies. Bulova soars. See how I did that.
