Creatures the World
Forgot
Director: Don Chaffey
Year: 1971
Rating: 3.0
I am waiting. Patiently. But damn, some dinosaurs
better show up soon or I am going to write my Congressman. This is the fourth
of the Hammer series of prehistoric films. One Million B.C. had dinosaurs
and even better Raquel Welch in a bikini. When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth
had some very cool dinosaurs and Victoria Vetri in a bikini. Prehistoric
Women admittedly had no dinosaurs but it did have Martine Beswick and a lot
of weirdness. But here I am an hour into this film and no dinosaurs or Raquel
or Martine in sight. Just a bunch of prehistoric people scrounging about
and killing to survive in a desolate land of rocks and sand. But no doubt
dinosaurs are coming because we know that dinosaurs and man existed at the
same time. Some say differently but that is just science talking. I feel
like I am watching a National Geographic special except a bunch of the women
are topless . . . and white. I just wish I had been the dialogue coach
on this film. No, no, no. It isn't uh ee uw. It is ee uw uh. How many times
do I have to tell you. It is important to get it right.
So, no dialogue and as it turns out no dinosaurs.
What was Hammer thinking. Lots of catfights true. And a bear. There is a
plot of sorts here as it follows one man and his two sons through for a generation.
It is not exactly Roots though. The credits give the characters names but
since they can't speak more than grunts, who is who is a mystery to me. They
should have worn name tags. A tribe of dark-haired people are living in a
rocky terrain and killing animals and eating them raw. Then a volcano erupts
and most of them are killed and the leader dies when one of the tribesmen
picks up a rock and crushes his head. He wasn't particularly popular. Bosses
have always sucked. Then two men face off for the honor of leading what is
left of the tribe. The one who wins leads them to a new location where they
come across a tribe of blondes. They are of course socially and technology
more advanced than the dark-haired tribe. They do art and they also are happy
to share their women - an early example of a hippy commune.
The leader of the Dark Hired leaves with
his tribe and his new blonde bride. She soon has two boys - one blonde and
one dark haired. Cain and Abel in prehistoric times. They hate each other
and when dad dies by being gored, they have to fight for the top of the pops.
Blondie of course wins but shows mercy - a mistake as later events show but
a clear advancement for the human race - empathy. As Margaret Meade said
“Helping someone else through difficulty is where civilization starts.”.
This may be the worst Hammer film I have come across. Nicely shot and the
location shooting in Africa is panoramic. It sure made me glad I wasn't born
back then. I have always said that each of us is a miracle. Just to be here.
Think of all your ancestors going back thousands of years that had to survive.
That had to propagate. All the way back to prehistoric men. Just to get us
here. Was it worth it? I don't know, but I am kind of glad they did.
