The Transporter
Director: Louis Leterrier; Corey
Yuen
Year: 2002
Rating: 7.5
"Shit.
Deep shit". Having Shu Qi saying that in accented English was enough for
me to like this film. But then I have been a huge fan of the Taiwanese actress
since she surfaced in Hong Kong first making a few Cat III films in which
her charms were on display and then morphing into being Hong Kong's Sweetheart
with a series of glossy romances and glossier action films. Why she was chosen
of all the Asian actresses I can't say, perhaps her role in So Close or Millennium
Mambo - definitely not for Wesley's Mysterious Files - but I am glad they
did. She brings some warmth and sex appeal to an otherwise stiff action film.
It was directed by Corey Yuen, who is one of the top Hong Kong action choreographers
and he puts together some terrific martial arts set pieces. He directed So
Close - which probably answers my previous question. I am actually surprised
this didn't get Shu Qi a TV series in America or other offers. Or at least
a lip gloss commercial. But then I think she makes popcorn pop.
This is the first in what turned out to
be a three film series. They are brainless, over the top and good fun. This
one turns into a Bond like film near the end when Statham as Frank Martin
parachutes down to land on top of a moving truck. As the title says, he is
a transporter. Not with Fed Ex - but he takes packages to locations. With
a few rules - no names, don't open the package. But when Shu Qi is the package
placed into his trunk, he gets drawn in. Who wouldn't.
He looks. They try and kill him. A few times.
Shu Qi thanks him by looking gorgeous and closing the door. The fact that
she likes a white guy who is hair challenged appealed to me. A ton of action.
Statham handles action scenes pretty well. He trained in martial arts since
he was a teenager and was a very good diver. Written by Luc Besson.
The Transporter
2
Director: Louis Leterrier
Year: 2005
Rating: 7.5
77 minutes. Perfect. It didn't need another minute. Not a pinch of flab on
this film. No one came to see a backstory or any drama. Just give us some
thrills. There are a whole lot of bad guys and one slinky female against
the Transporter. They didn't stand a chance. And of course we know that going
in which is the pleasure of watching it. There is no suspense. Just action.
The only question is how is he going to beat them up. Unlike John Wick, he
sticks almost entirely to martial arts and with the help of choreographer
Corey Yuen and the 128 stunt people it looks great. Imaginative and fun and
of course as believable as a private plane crashing into the water and the
Transporter (Jason Statham) and the bad guy (Alessandro Gassmann) not only
surviving but who get right back to fighting.
Frank Martin is doing a favor for a friend.
Driving a small boy to and from school. The parents are absurdly wealthy
with the mother (Amber Valetta) and father (Matthew Modine) at each other's
throats. Modine seems to have settled into playing pricks in the second half
of his career. And that is the movie. Transporting the boy. Easy work. Well
once he first beats up a gang trying to steal his car and almost making him
late.
But as Statham showed us in Safe, he doesn't
like children being messed with and injected with a virus that kills everyone
who beathes around him. It really pisses him off. And he made a promise to
the boy to keep him safe. Rule number 4. Don't break promises. Loads of small
punch em ups, stunts galore, a scantily clad blonde female psycho killer
(Kate Nauta) who steals every scene she is in and a big dose of Bond like
coolness. And at 77 minutes it is over before you can finish your popcorn.
The Transporter
3
Director: Oliver Megaton
Year: 2008
Rating: 4.5
It isn't many directors who can claim to have killed off two franchises,
but Oliver Megaton can lay claim to that honor. He directed Taken 3 and Transporter
3. I recall very little of Taken 3 other than it was dreadful and one of
the better arguments against the need for sequels. The first two Transporter
films from director Louis Leterrier were lean and mean and basically little
more than a platform for action set pieces. But Megaton and writer Luc Besson
decide to show us the Transporter's softer side with him going fishing with
his French police friend and getting involved with a Ukranian woman. This
could easily have cut 20 minutes of its 90 minute running time but even more
110 pounds. That is my estimate of Natalya Rudakova's weight. She is more
aggravating than an ingrown toe nail. And Frank falls for her. That is breaking
all the rules. Frank.
All of the premises of this series are absurd
and idiotic, but this one takes the cake and ice cream too. It makes zero
sense. The villains, a corporation, want to dump boatloads of toxic chemicals
in Ukraine and their hired killer Mr. Johnson kidnaps the daughter of a Minister
so that he will permit them to unload the chemicals. Why Ukraine? Who knows.
We do know though that Johnson is a scum sucking psychopath after he says
"the great American Donald Trump". Birds of a feather.
But rather than just keeping the daughter
hidden in a cage, they decide to transport her. And force Frank to take her.
How? By putting a bracelet on each of them that will explode if they get
more than 50 feet away from the car. Which fortunately is enough space to
have sex. Hot passionate sex with bombs around their wrist. Maybe one of
the stupider sex scenes ever. She is so tiresome that I kept hoping she would
go past 50 feet. Corey Yuen returns to do the choreography and there is some
fine action. Also the expected car stunts. This had the largest box office
in the series; based I assume on the reputation of the previous two. Apparently,
it was Statham wanting more money that killed a fourth film. Probably as
a married man to this nitwit with children.
