Tarzan and the Lost
City
Director: Carl Schenkel
Year: 1998
Rating: 4.0
All I can say
is thank goodness there was a white man who saved Africa. What would Africa
have done without them. Tarzan (Casper Van Dien) is living the good life
on his estate in England and is about to wed Jane (Jane March) when he gets
an ESP message in a burning log from a tribal chief/witch doctor in Africa
that they need his help. Tarzan tells Jane he has to leave and off he goes.
But we are getting married next week, she whines. Damn, he is Tarzan. When
he is called, he goes. A group of evil white men are searching for the lost
city of Opar, the Cradle of Civilization and a sacred place for the natives,
and anyone who gets in their way is killed by the leader Ravens. Even though
they have a tribe full of warriors and magic, they still need Tarzan to fight
for them. And Jane. After getting over her annoyance, Jane decides to follow
her man. Stand By Your Man. And this is where the film dies. Jane. Nothing
against Jane March, but every scene she is in is like water torture.
Two lovebirds swinging through the jungle
on vines. Every time she sees a snake, she screams. They are like horny teenagers
in love. Casper is much better at killing giant cockroaches than he is as
Tarzan. Too pretty. He should be wearing a fraternity sweater he is so clean
cut. He goes after the gang and of course Jane has to tag along. Like a cement
block. She does nothing but get in the way and cause him trouble. Just stay
at home woman, I know that sounds paternalistic, but it is the jungle. If
this film was made today, Jane would be kicking ass.
But not back then and you know it is inevitable
that she is taken prisoner and used as leverage against Tarzan. Just stay
in your tree house and keep Cheetah company. When the gang and Tarzan and
Jane get to Opar it suddenly turns into Indiana Jones with booby-traps and
witchery. If they ever make another Tarzan film, they have to bring out the
beast in him. Make him Rambo. Kill without mercy. He even falls for the old
villain trick; can you help me get up, I am badly hurt. No. And why don't
you have facial hair growth? Give me your trick. I am so tired of shaving
every day. I won't say this left a bad taste in my mouth because it had no
taste. Bland and family oriented. To its credit, it was filmed in Africa
and has some wonderful shots of the animals and landscapes.
