Golden Needles
Director: Robert Clouse
Year: 1974
Rating: 6.0
Man's eternal search for youth and a good hard-on
play out on the streets of Hong Kong in this Robert Clouse directed film
from 1974. Clouse had an amazing and lucky career. Before he was picked to
direct Bruce Lee, Jim Kelly, Sek Kin and Bolo Yeung in Enter the Dragon in
1974, he had only directed one decent film with the Travis McGee film Darker
Than Amber starring Rod Taylor. After Enter the Dragon gained him a reputation
as the Hollywood white man who could direct martial arts action films, he
helmed Black Belt Jones with Kelly again, Amsterdam Kill with Robert Mitchum,
Battle Creek Brawl with Jackie Chan, Gymkata with Kurt Thomas and two China
O'Brien films with Cynthia Rothrock. And this film with Walking Tall star,
Joe Don Baker, as subtle an actor as a train coming through your living room.
He is basically a shaggy haired walking grinning penis. Jim Kelly shows up
again but in a much smaller role than I was hoping for.
I thought for the most part that this was
a fun film with a ton of location shooting in Hong Kong. They really use
the narrow-stepped streets, small vendors selling food, congested sidewalks
and the harbor with the sampans to good effect. Near the end there is a foot
chase through these streets with the bad guys running after Baker that is
pretty amazing. As the triad chases him, so do all the local bystanders join
in - it is Chase a Gweilo Day - until it looks like half of Hong King is
after him. There are a number of familiar Hong Kong faces in it beginning
with Hao Li-jen trying to get an erection. If you don't know this actor and
have watched many Shaw films, you have come across him many times in small
character roles - often as a doddering elderly man. He appeared in over 200
films (including Enter the Dragon) often for no more than a minute. So, I
was happy to see him trying to get treatment for erectile dysfunction.
A Buddha statue paves the way to happiness.
Hundreds of years old it has a map of where to place the seven acupuncture
needles to revitalize a man. The downside being if they are placed in the
wrong order, you will die. A high price to pay for a hard-on. An acupuncturist
has just needled up Li-jen and he is off to the bedroom with four women,
when men wearing hazmat suits break in with flame throwers and burn everyone
to a crisp. But he died with a smile on. They take the Buddha but unfortunately
barbecue the doctor who knew what order to put them in. Any volunteers?
Elizabeth Ashley wearing a fashionable wide white brimmed hat is in Hong
Kong to buy the Buddha for her boss played by Burgess Meredeth, who acts
like he is a gay leprechaun with a giant bow-tie. He wants an erection and
eternal life. The gang who got the Buddha are led by Roy Chiao and his right-hand
man is Richard Ng. Ashley persuades Baker to steal the Buddha back for money
and sex. And shrimp. In a dreadful scene of glossy unfocused love-making,
she fulfills her part of the contract and then they eat giant shrimps like
they are snorting cocaine.
Jim Kelly doesn't show up till about the
one hour mark when everyone goes to Los Angeles to deal with Meredeth. He
is a friend of Baker and they bust up a few people. Then back to Hong Kong.
The action mainly comes down to Baker pummeling everyone with socks to the
face and stomach. Hong Kong actress Si Ming shows up as a kung fu policewoman,
Lee Wan-miu with over 100 Hong Kong films is Baker's partner in Hong Kong,
Mama Hung is Wan-miu's wife, Fong Wah is his mistress. My favorite role though
is the tough Mahjong parlor owner played by the great Ann Sothern looking
like a pink flamingo in her boa feathers. A long way from being Maisie.
