Fred Williamson is Jessie Crowder
                             
Death Journey (1976) - 2.5



"I hope you're a better fashion model than a hit lady". "What are you going to do with me. Please don't kill me". "I'm not going to kill you baby. You're too good in the sack for that. I am just going to bruise you up a little". And tosses her off the train. "Good landing bitch". A source I read said there was no dialogue in the script. It was all ad-libbed. I believe it. If films received IQ scores, this would fall into the Profound Mental Disability category. Or more scientifically, as dumb as rocks. I would have felt embarrassed for Fred Williamson except he directed and produced this nonsensical action dribble. Everything about it is terrible. The acting is like watching mannequins in action, the continuity is at times laughably inept, the action scenes make you long for a Hong Kong film to cleanse your palate and the relentless funky score will have you begging for mercy.



Williamson is Jessie Crowder, tough private eye, who will take any case for money. Amazingly, there are four Jessie Crowder films. This is the second but they actually made two after this. I have two of the others so will probably watch them because I have a streak of cinematic masochism running down my leg. They can't be as bad as this one and I do like Williamson. He was the epitome of cool soul back in the 1970s - always impeccably dressed, long thin cigar and full of "Hey baby" dialogue that makes the women melt. I don't know if it was a budget constraint, but he doesn't wear a shirt the entire film. Just an unbuttoned black jacket. A look I should emulate and start calling women baby. That would be a winning formula for me. He is so right for some of his films like Black Caesar and Hell Up in Harlem, but if I didn't know differently, I would think this was a parody but it is just a badly made film from the word go.



Two guys get killed right at the beginning - one in a car bomb, the other a shotgun in the gut. They were key witnesses against a mob boss in NYC. The prosecution has one more witness. They meet the mob boss outside the courtroom and tell him he is screwed with this new mystery witness that they are bringing from California. Ahhhhh! You just told the boss that there is another witness from California (Bernie Kuby) which lets him figure out who he is and then send about a squadron of hitmen to kill him. And they hire Crowder to bring him. He has 48 hours. Two local cops drop by and tell him he is taking the witness. Is there anyone who doesn't know? Crowder is in such a hurry that he immediately beds two women, one after the other. One of who was sent by the Boss. And then leads the killers to the witness. Nice job you are doing Jessie. I have complete confidence you will get this guy to NYC. After he beds a few more women - one being the above mentioned hit lady. Seriously, he is the worst bodyguard in the history of movies. He makes Costner look competent.



He sees a car following him and tells the witness that he has a plan. To stop at a gas station where the car opens fire on them killing two civilians. Great plan. Later after Jessie has wrecked their car, they are trying to hitchhike and the bad guys show up, What does our genius do? He runs off into the hills and the bad guys follow him. That is a demerit in the hitman business. You are not being paid to kill Crowder as they run by the witness who is hiding behind a bush. A lot more stupidity to go. In one scene four hitmen have him in their sights with guns - and they wait and wait and wait - till Jessie draws his gun, twirls around like a ballerina and shoots all four dead. Five and Dime hitmen. You get what you pay for. Still there were a few brilliant scenes like watching the witness unwrap and eat candy bars for five minutes as Crowder has sex in the next room and then while the duo was hitchhiking having the camera tracking their feet walking for a minute. Classic stuff.


No Way Back (1976) - 4.0



More Jessie Crowder from Fred Williamson because you can never get enough stupid. This is a step above Death Journey with a coherent plot and better acting but the lapses in logic, continuity and geography are stupefying. But there is plenty of aimless walking by Williamson with his unbuttoned shirt and lots of pointless shots of things that he as director lingers on like a school boy in love. Why was there that shot of the ferry for a minute and then a pan to a far off building? No idea. There just was. Or the camera staying on one of the female characters pouting for the entire length of a pop song. You don't question the Hammer. Williamson is clearly trying to keep up his image of the coolest guy in cinema with his tight white jacket pant ensemble that never gets dirty, the constant looks at his bare chest and his bedding any female that has a pulse. And the walk. The cool walk that says don't fuck with me. The swagger, the roll. He loses the occasional fight here but never loses the cigar in his mouth.  But he earned it by being one of the toughest players in the NFL and turning that into a film career.



A middle aged middle manager embezzles two million dollars and goes on the run with a hot foxy black woman. I say foxy because everyone in the film describes her as such. Candy is played by Tracey Reed who has looks that bring Pam Grier to mind. And that is a good thing. The wife and the brother of the missing man hire Crowder to track him down. His wife misses him and misses the money more. With his cute secretary Poopsie (Paula Sills) he goes to San Diego and goes from hotel to hotel but people keep popping out of the woodwork to stop him. Terrible action scene follows. At one point a seven year old white boy stops him on the street and asks him if he wants some action. Sure says Crowder take me to it. The action is a prostitute who immediately takes off her panties while the boy sits on a chair with a gun pointed at Crowder. Well, that's different I was thinking. 



Not too surprisingly the hunk a hunk of burning love Candy is not giving away her sugar for free. She is in cahoots with a gangster (Stack Pierce) to steal the money. But thankfully not till Pickens (Charles Woolf) has had his fun with her. Crowder tracks them down, tells them over dinner that his wife is on the way and then goes and has sex with Poopsie. Because they would never try to get away while he was having sex. That would be gauche. But then Candy knocks on his door. It's Halloween - trick or treat. He takes the treat. Poopsie hides in the closet. And she has a religious conversion. That is Crowder Sex. Guaranteed to change your life.  And lower your calorie intake. With a budget and a good director this could have been decent. Williamson is at least at this point early in his directing career, pretty awful. Up on YouTube in poor quality. 


Blind Rage (1976) - 5.5




This is the third Jessie Crowder film or perhaps more accurately the two and one-tenth Jessie Crowder film. Right away you know this isn't the same as the first two Crowder films. First, it isn't directed by Fred Williamson so you let out a sigh of relief, it looks professional, the soundtrack has some imagination and Williamson is listed far down in the credits. Which is fair since he doesn't show up till minute 70 in an 83 minute movie.  Basically, a cameo in which he chases someone and beats him up after first tossing his gun aside and then walks away forgetting to pick it up. It is called marketing. The film proclaims that it was shot in the USA, Mexico, Hong Kong, Tokyo and Manila. Well true, but the Mexico, Hong Kong and Tokyo sections are about one minute in length. Most of it is shot in Manila with a Filipino director and crew. Efren C. Piñon is the director with about fifty credits in the Philippines and I must admit I have heard of none of them besides this film.



It begins in the USA when a group of government officials meet and talk about how to stop the Domino's from falling in Asia. They have $15 million to do this. $15 million dollars to win the war on Communism. They put it in a bank in Manila - not a simple wire mind you but in cash. This bank looks pretty secure they say as a bunch of tin-pot cops come running out in a test. My tax dollars are safe. But back in America the head of the Manila branch is approached by a man with a fool-proof plan to rob the money with his co-operation. It can't go wrong. It is a perfect plan. All we need are five guys with skills. Sounds good says the banker. But why is it so perfect? Because they are all blind. You can't argue with that. The film explains in flashback how they went blind - acid, a gunshot, a torch, fingers. Now they can cash in.



They recruit these men from Mexico (an ex-bullfighter), Hong Kong (triad), Tokyo (magician), the USA (I forget) and Manila (tech guy). That was the extent of the location shooting in the first three. They hire a female teacher of the blind to show them how to rob the bank and not appear blind. If you hear a sound, you don't know - just shoot it. A burp and you die. The perfect plan except - they are blind! The robbery scene is well-done.



There was a Bollywood film named Aankhen from 2002 with a plot in which blind men also rob a bank. It stars Amitabh Bachchan and was a big hit. My guess is that it was not inspired by this film, but then you never know. In 1983 there was a fourth Jessie Crowder film, The Last Fight, directed by Williamson but fortunately, I can't locate a copy of it. Small mercies in an unmerciful world.