Wanted
Director: Timur Bekmametov
Year: 2008
Rating: 5.5
As
I was just saying in another review, there is no rule that male action films
can't be as stupid as female action films. This one is as stupid as a stack
of Trump supporters at one of his whiney woe is me rallies. One would have
to guess that the entire film is a fantasy by the "hero" as he sleeps on
his desk at his mundane job drooling on that billing report. Because
otherwise this is a script by a 10-year-old that director Timur Bekmambetov
came across and went, cool. Because looking cool is the whole point of the
movie. Stupid plot, no character development, no drama - but it looks cool
in spades. Timur of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and the dreadful Ben-Hur.
How did I find myself watching another one of his films? Angelina. That bizarre
facial bone structure that only the Gods should have brought me back. She
should leave it to science.
Back in 2008 the special effects probably
seemed amazing - in fact some of them still do - such as when he crashes
through the window and in an astonishing set-piece kills everyone inside
grabbing guns in the air as he runs and using those to kill more - up close,
far away, slo-mo, speeded up - it is a symphony of death. It is hard not
to go wow. Take that Chow Yun-fat. I know this was based on a comic book
so that allows you to get away with anything but this was little more than
a male humping fantasy.
Wesley (James McAvoy - Charles Xavier) is
basically a schlub at a schlub job being berated daily by his large female
boss (not a coincidence I expect but playing into the male misogyny that
quietly permeates this film). His girlfriend is cheating on him with his
best friend and he knows it but says nothing. He seems a potential candidate
for Incel. Or maybe Timur is. But hey, down deep we are all potential super
heroes and assassins, aren't we? When he is in a convenience store, Fox (Angelina
Jolie) comes up to him and whispers in his ear, that man behind you is about
to kill you. What? Kill, a loser like me. Yup and in a crazy frantic car
chase she saves him. Why? Because he is a killer and just doesn't know it
yet.
She belongs to the Fraternity, a 1000 year
old organization that kills the bad guys and keeps order in the world. I
thought that was the Deep State. And his father was the best till he was
just murdered. Here is a gun says Sloan (Morgan Freeman picking up a nice
paycheck I am sure), now shoot the wings off those flies. What? And he does.
They put him through training under his sifu Fox which mainly consists of
them beating the hell out of him or stabbing him - but they have this ice
recuperation bath that makes you sparkling new. My advice would be, give
up the assassinations and market that. You would be worth zillions. Of course,
he becomes the greatest killer - shooting from the top of a moving subway
train into an office, making bullets curve around objects - because he is
still drooling on that billing report. Someone, wake him up.
