Finally, a film about Lincoln that
gets the history right. Not even Ken Burns has had the courage to tell the
truth about Lincoln and the Civil War. It wasn't to free the slaves or state's
rights or keeping the Union whole - it was about Vampires wanting to create
a country for themselves in the south. Where they found slavery very much
to their liking. Taste wise. Lincoln freed us from the Vampires. He was assassinated
by a despairing vampire. The Deep State has tried to keep this secret for
150 years but finally QAnon has thankfully given us the truth as they have
in so many things from their greatest hits Pizza Child Pedophilia to the
eating of children. Actually, when I saw this back when it was released in
2012, I saw it in the theater and I thought it was dreadful.
But everything deserves a second chance except lamb brains which I once had
to eat out of the head and Donald Trump. Not sure which disgusted me more.
But the idea of this film has to be the stupidest ever - only Marvel deciding
to kill off their superheroes comes close. In fact, I am suing them to bring
back Black Widow before Scarlett is too old to play her. Hard to imagine
anything sillier than this idea - oh wait - there is a film called Abraham
Lincoln vs Zombies which I am sure is a classic - and that may have been
the inspiration of one of my favorite dumb idea great movies - Pride, Prejudice
and Zombies from 2016 which needs a sequel. Another law suit I have going.
On second viewing I thought this was rather fun - absolute stupid fun but
there is nothing wrong with that. Knowing what to expect helped. It is directed
by Timur Bekmambetov, who made the much worse Ben-Hur in 2016. As a young
boy, Abe watches his mother get murdered by a man - not realizing at the
time that the killer is a vampire. When he is a man (Benjamin Walker - High
King Gil-galad in Rings of Power) he begins to seek vengeance and thinks
he has killed the man only to have him come back to life. He is saved by
a Vampire Hunter Henry Sturges (Dominic Cooper - Preacher, Howard Stark)
who then takes him under his wing and teaches him the tricks of the trade
- silver bullets and decapitation (saved our nation in my country song) -
Abe prefers the axe.
Sturges sends him off to Springfield to start the killing and he meets Mary
Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead - Birds of Prey) - who finally gets some good
publicity in this one - even joining the Underground Railroad to save the
Union at Gettysburg. All true of course. Abe is joined by his black childhood
friend (Anthony Mackie - Falcon, Captain America). What? We can have a black
Captain America but not a black Mermaid? What a stupid country we have become.
They all fight against the Vamps and their leader played by Rufus Sewell.
Tons of flying heads and CGI blood and why not. Lincoln was great - so why
not a Vampire Hunter. He could have been.
