Let's get to the important things first. Topless
girls Sumo wrestling. Topless girls at a pool party. Topless girls having
sushi eaten off of them. Topless girls in the hot baths. Topless girl in
the hot tub. Pretty much topless girls in every nook and cranny that they
could find. Say what you want about the Yakuza but they know how to party.
And then there was the headless girl as well. Party on. Of course a couple
killjoy cops have to come in and break it up. Spoilsports. Dolph Lundgren
and Brandon Lee have their own showdown. Who can have the worst dialogue
and be stiffer than a pine box. Pretty much a tie. But we are told by Lee
that Lundgren has the biggest dick he has ever seen, so I guess that makes
him the winner. Talking about stiff that is. But only Tia Carrere can confirm
that for sure after complementing Dolph on his coming. I am reasonably sure
this was an adaption of a Shakespeare play Much Ado About Nothing.
Enough mocking. This is actually a pretty good trashy B action film that
fits more action into its 80 minutes than most films can dream about. Which
is a good thing because when they are fighting, they can't say much. Like
Brandon says after a guy has fallen into a vat of fire "You have the
right to be dead." or "You know that thing I said about the fish? I
can change my mind" after seeing the before mentioned sushi platter. They
are out to break up a Yakuza gang in Los Angeles headed by Cary-Hiroyuki
Tagawa who has gotten stuck having to play a lot of nefarious Japanese bad
guys. Here he must be one of the top employers in the city - a job creator
as the Republicans would put it. Sure they are all killers and scumbags but
they contribute. Though you would think that out of all these guys who become
target practice that at least one of them could shoot straight. Good help
is hard to find. Lundgren can't be that hard to hit.
And speaking of Tia Carrere - oh I wasn't? - well I should have been, She
plays this sort of helpless damsel in distress that Tagawa tries to seduce
by showing her his beheading of her friend. Probably a bad idea on the first
kidnap night. Not really fair to have her so passive - I mean she is the
Relic Hunter. Which would not describe her breasts. They are never
getting old. Bullet proof I would have thought. Anyways, there is a lot of
solid action, pretty much every cliché a buddy action film could have,
seeing Brandon made me feel sad - so much talent. It has a great ending.
A sword duel between Dolph and Tagawa right in the middle of a parade in
Little Tokyo and not a cop in sight. And the pinwheel was a thing of beauty.
