3 Nuts in Search of a Bolt
Director: Tommy Noonan
Year: 1964
Rating: 2.5
Oye Vey. What did I get myself into. Ok, sure Mamie Van Doren - let me rephrase
that - I generally enjoy the statuesque and refined presence of Miss 8 Ball
but I had a brain hiccup with this one. I was thinking that the star Tommy
Noonan was in one of those English pop bands but it turns out that was Peter
Noone from Herman Hermits - big mistake as I was expecting a rollicking fun
little film with pop songs. Tommy Noonan is instead a middle aged actor who
generally plays wimps and nerds with his placid face and spectacles. But
give him some credit - he co-starred with Marilyn Monroe in Gentleman Prefer
Blondes (as her initial wealthy boyfriend), with Jayne Mansfield in Promises
Promises and this one. The three most famous blonde bombshells in Hollywood
history. Not bad for a nerd. In fact, he wrote and produced (and directed)
this one and Promises. He knows what he likes.
Unfortunately, this is a dreadfully awful film. It feels like a tawdry film
that tiptoes up to exploitation and sticks its finger in it. Van Doren had
some great moments if rarely great films in the 1950's - usually in smaller
roles where she had to just look scrumptious - but by 1964 buxom blondes
were out - Monroe was dead, Mansfield was appearing in B films and Mamie
(taken from Mamie Eisenhower) hadn't been in a film for two years and so
took this one. I just felt sorry for her from her opening scene on stage
as a stripper through multiple scenes in bathing suits, negligees, bra and
panties and one scene that departs from the black and white cinematography
into blazing color while she is taking a bath in beer and lolling about while
showing her nipples. Nothing against nipples but it just felt mean.
She is only 33 years old and her body had stood the test of time just fine,
but her eyes look like they belong to someone 20 years older. She also probably
gets more dialogue in this film than in all of her 50's films put together.
It is a very talky film. This is to her disadvantage though compared to all
the other actors (other than Noonan) she seems like she should be on the
London stage doing Shakespeare. I think Noonan got them cheap from a local
moving company.
The premise of the film is a comedic take on 3 Faces of Eve which was a big
hit at the time. Van Doren is living in a giant house with two other men
- all three have mental issues - she hates men, another one hates women and
the third hates himself. They need help from a psychiatrist but can't afford
the $100 fee - so they hire Noonan who is a failed actor to pretend to be
all three of them and go see the headshrinker in place of them - 20 minutes
for each of them. The head cracker thinks she has a schizophrenic on her
hands and secretly shows her session on closed circuit TV to other professionals
but somehow it gets on regular TV and Noonan becomes a star. It isn't even
mildly amusing - and I should have bailed but it is Mamie Van Doren. It runs
for 78 minutes but felt like a marathon.
